The Masks we Wear

How are spiders able to do such intricate work?

I'm a pretty "news-avoidant" person.  I don't get into talking about politics, media sensation of the day, what celebrities are doing, any of that.  One of the reasons I started this blog was so that I could start to synthesize my personal thoughts on a topic rather than rely on the one-sided reporting of some organization or group.  You may have noticed people wearing masks these days.  It may be in response to a virus outbreak but I also think that we have all been wearing masks for years.

 

As far as wearing masks in response to the virus…you do you.  I'm not sure you need it when you're driving in your car alone but if you feel better about yourself for doing that, that's fine.

 

I'm more talking about how we show a different side of ourselves depending on the situation.  I love the whole psychology area that talks about personalities.  From the first time I took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)inventory (it's not a test because there are no right or wrong answers), and learned about the preferences, I was hooked.  The first time I received my results I was shown to be an ESTJ. 

• Extroverted - Getting energy from other people
• Sensing - Views the world through the 5 senses
• Thinking - Is very logical
• Judging - Prefers a step-by-step approach

 

While some of those things may be true, others are simply not.  I was looking at the items in the inventory as how I thought the people that I worked for wanted me to be.  Clearly, the Extroverts run the world.  Honestly, I prefer a few close friendships to wanting to host a party for everyone that I have had a casual acquaintance with.  But being young and wanting to move up the career ladder, I felt like I needed to be on the side of what was expected for leaders. 

 

What I found was that there was plenty of value in taking the MBTI more than once, as well as having discussions with people that will push back on what appear to be inconsistencies.  I was lucky enough to have a person, Anna Tansi,  that did that for me.  While there were many conversations about what seemed to be actions that were not in line with my reported Type, the biggest learning I got from that was to question the results.  Here was a process that I was answering myself and I was not even being honest enough with my answers to use the results correctly. 

 

Don't get me wrong, there is still value in seeing yourself differently in different situations.  I believe with most, if not all, of the "Personality" profiles, we can find ourselves seeing actions that we do consistently that are not in accordance with that "Type".  It may be how we are expected to be at work, with friends, at social events.  There are forces that push us to be other than where we prefer.  One of Anna's quotes that has stuck with me has been, "Each personality type is like a sweater.  While you can wear any of them, there is one that fits better than the others.  That is your preferred personality." 

 

Since then, I have been looking at how I act in certain situations and assessed my reaction:

• Does this feel natural?
• Am I acting the way I think others want me to act?
• Do I feel like I need a shower because this just "feels" yucky!?

 

And the more honest I am with myself, the less stressed I feel.  I think it takes a lot of energy to be someone that we are not.  To save some of your energy, just be yourself.  You may need a mask for this crazy virus but being you does not require anything!

How to Extend that Vacation Feeling

Have you ever had a pretty good vacation, then when it was time to go home you ran into problems like the car breaking down, traffic, flight delays, etc., then you get home and you have to unpack, do mounds of laundry, go shopping because there's no food in the house, and you forgot what a good time you had?  I have noticed this a lot.  For a long time, I was always wanting the end of a vacation to happen fast.  When it's done, it's done.  Let's get back to working mode.  But now I know why.

I just finished listening to Daniel Kahneman's book Thinking Fast and Slow.  (Great book that I highly recommend!)  In there, he talks about how there are 2 things that we remember most about events.  The Peak Remembrance and the Last Remembrance.  And it's the difference between those 2 points that shape our overall impression of the event.  In other words, if you have a really great peak experience (you're feeling really good) and it ends quickly (you get back to reality in a short time), then your overall memories of the event will be really good.  There is a small difference between the Peak Experience and the Last Experience.

This goes for bad experiences as well.  In the book, Kahneman talks about experiments where people put their hands in bowls of ice water and rate the experience.  The ones that hold their hand in for a minute and just pull it out at the end are compared to those that have the water slowly heated up before removing their hands.  The ones that have the water heated slowly recall the experience as "not as bad" as the ones that ended it quickly.

How can we use this information?

In the case of good events such as vacation, I look at the whole experience.  Is there something that I can do in the time that it takes to get back that is going to make it more enjoyable? 

• Loading up on podcasts or e-books to pass the time
• Try to get a direct flight home (or at least make the last leg of the flight the longest part of flying)
• Have your car ready to go once you land (using a parking service that ensures that your car starts and is cleaned off if you are in winter climates)
• Be prepared for your arrival home (have something that you can cook or eat without having to go to the store)
• Relive the great times of your vacation as you are traveling to keep the Peak Experiences fresh

For painful events, you'll want to do the opposite.  You want to do things that put distance between the Peak (in this case painful) Experience and your Last Experience. 

• Find a way to lessen the pain slowly - it may feel like torture at the time but it will improve your recollection of the event
• Extend your entire experience - if you are having surgery and need rehab afterward, include that as part of what you remember of the entire event

Events themselves are neither good nor bad, it's how we choose to remember them that labels them as such.

The Impact of Happiness on Work

I have had several jobs that I have absolutely loved.  Correction, it wasn't the job that I loved but the people I worked with that really made the job enjoyable.  Getting to have those interactions made any of the tasks that were not as pleasant much easier to deal with.  I believe that every job I have had I have stuck with (except for teaching in a high school because that was not a team environment) mostly because of the relationships that I have built-in each one with my co-workers.   

 

The key to building those relationships is most definitely trust.   

• Trusting that you work for a company that is respectable 
• Having co-workers that will look out for you 
• The ability to speak up to help improve things 
• Bosses that balance the needs of the company with the needs of employees 

Let's face it, companies are in the business of making money.  When you are looking at the bottom line, one of the factors that weigh on that is the turnover rate of employees.  Some employees are a bad fit for the job.  It makes sense for those employees to leave or be let go after a short period of time.  For the most part, those should be occasional happenings.  We all make mistakes and hiring the wrong person once in a while can be just that.  If it happens often, you need to look at what is causing high rates of turnover.   

• Are we not informing the candidate about the actual position? 

• Is the pool of candidates not giving us the types of people that we need to fill the position? 

  Are we not paying enough? 
• Is the screening of applicants insufficient? 
• Do we take the best of the worst to "have a body" in there? 

• Can we give actual examples of the work that they will be doing as part of the interview process to see: 

• If they have the skills needed to do the job 
• We have some objective evidence that we are selecting the best person 

• Is the candidate a good fit for the team? 

• Getting a panel review from the potential co-workers 
• Taking all perspectives into account. 
• Are they filling the gap in the team make-up? 

Once the new team member arrives, let's get them to feel part of the team as quickly as possible.  Setting up some one-on-one time with each of their co-workers so everyone can get to know one another.  You can provide them a list of potential questions they may want to ask their co-workers but also leave some room for them to ask what is important to them.  And it should not be a one-way conversation.  The existing team members need to find out about their new colleagues as well.  If there are some people that will be working more closely with the new colleague, have them spend even more time.  I get that we're all busy but if this person does not feel successful or appreciated and they leave we are ALL going to be even busier covering that position until the next new person can start.  That could be months depending on the position.  Plus, we have all been the "new person" and we know how it feels to be trying to learn names, titles, procedures, and (oh by the way!) the new job that they were hired for.   

 

Having a feeling that your contributions matter is important as well.  Whether you are a new person or have been there for years, you should want to contribute to making things better.  A couple ways of doing that include: 

• Before anyone speaks about how to address an issue, take a few moments to have each person write down their thoughts, and then have everyone read out their thoughts.   
• Some of us introverts need some time to think about what we are going to say 
• If the extroverts start talking first there may not be air in the room for a differing opinion which could be a detriment to addressing the issue. 
• If there are several ways to address the issues, have each person vote with no abstentions.  You may not get things addressed the way you want but if this is a consistent manner of handling tasks those on the opposing side have a better chance of buying in if they know that they will have other opportunities in the future. 

 

I cannot say enough about how important working for a great boss is.  Having worked for several that were great and several that were....not, I find it really contributes to the overall atmosphere of the team.  Someone that explains the "Why" of a situation and not just the "What."  There are times when we don't always get the "Why," even from the good ones, but putting things into context helps the team with embracing changes. 

 

I am currently working on a 90+% remote team.  Being a remote worker has its benefits and drawbacks.  When new people join these things are even more important.  New people want to be seen as team players.  But it is up to all of the experienced members of the team to make them feel welcomed and be willing and able to either answer their questions of pointing them in the right direction.  When I joined the team, it was over 4 months before I had met any of my co-workers in person.  This makes me so thankful for the fact that we can use video chats to get to know people.  Having the technology to have conversations where you can see as well as talk to each other makes a world of difference.  When we do get together it is like we have been working side-by-side and we have some great conversations. 

 

With the travel restrictions that are ongoing, some of my new colleagues will have their first work anniversary before they meet anyone in person.  When we finally are all able to get together, those relationships will grow even stronger.